[16 May 2004|11:14am] whoever is that stupid bitch leaving those rude notes in my journal should atleast have the courage to sign their name. ha talk a lot of shit but do not want to sign your name.. nice you stupid fucking bitch GROW UP 9 kill the kisses will

[13 May 2004|02:29pm] [ mood | happy ] wow i havent updated my journal in forever! lately i have been going to a lot of justin's game with ilde and dave. haha its fun. school is just like it always is work is boring friends are good justin and i are good. today went by so slow! chorus was fun today we started to learn the corography for all our songs for the spring show. before 7th period janice asked me if i wanted a ride home and i said sure but then i forgot about it after 7th period and i started to walk out to the bus haha. but janice and erin saw me and janice asked if i was still getting a ride. i felt bad that i forgot but it was straight. now i got to go start on this project for school. blah! 2 kill the kisses will

[05 May 2004|02:49pm] [ mood | sad ] i dont know. lately i have been happy for the most part but i've heard that someone has been saying a lot of shit to their friends and it's someone who i thought would never do this and someone who i really thought i could trust. part of me wants to talk to them about it but then the other part of me doesn't becuase i know they will just get pissed. but what that person has been saying has been making me feel like i'm nothing and that i'm not good enough. i don't feel confident at all. all i see in the mirror is all my imperfections and by this person talking to people and saying shit, it doesnt make things any better at all. i hate it when people open their mouth about shit you don't want people to know or about something your not happy with when it comes to yourself. ahh just typing this makes me feel like shit. i wish i could just wake up and all my imperfections would be gone. it's like my imperfections are endless. i dont know i cant stand this shit anymore i just feel like breaking down. everyone just sees me smiling all the time but they have no idea what im really feelings and it bothers me. what should i do? 2 kill the kisses will

is this really happening? [27 Apr 2004|05:15pm] [ mood | confused ] wow lately things have been so confusing. when i comes to my friends or justin, things are great, but when it comes to my family it's not all that good.   my mom and i have been fighting a lot lately. saturday i was supposed to go out with jessica and justin. at first my mom said it was alright if i went out but then she remembered that she had a party thing with her friends. well it was more like a get together because the people's families were going to be there too. after my mom remembered about her get together with her friends, she was quick to tell me that i wasn't going to be allowed to go out that night because i was going to have to watch olivie (my little sister) for some reason she just pissed me off when she said that. i guess it was because lately she has been doing little things to just piss me off or she says smart ass remarks. i went off on her. and i asked her if i could please go with justin and jessica tonight she said no and she threatened to ground me for the whole month of may if i didn't drop the subject. so i said okay and i dropped it and went into my room. after being in my room for a little while, i went down in the computer room. my mom came in soon after i did and started the whole arguement back up. and i told her to just drop it because i would end up saying or doing something that would just end up getting me in trouble. my mom refused to just drop it. then i blew up. she left to go to her friend's house for the get together. that night i was pissed. lea stopped by and we talked for a little bit about what was going on. it was about 7 when my step dad got home from being out with some of his friends. he offered to watch my sister until my mom got home at 11 and said i could go out with justin and jessica. so i called justin and they came and picked me up. i saw justin doyle in the care too. so i wasnt expecting him to be there but it was whatever. we just drove around for a little bit and went to jessica's house. i got to spend time with my baby and jessica so it was good. doyle was just there i guess you could say. when my mom got home that night, we didn't talk.     sunday- i woke up and my mom came in my room and woke me up to get ready. i was still kinda pissed off about the ngiht before which was kind of shocking because whenever i go to bed i never wake up mad. but then again i don't like going to bed when things aren't worked out. my mom asked me to help her make her bed since john was making breakfast and stuff. i just helped her even though i didnt want to do anything for her. she said something smart again and i got pissed. then out of no where my mom was like "well brittany just to let you know the medicine i am on fo my seizures is affecting my liver and the doctor said i could very possibly die from it, so you won't have to deal with me once i die" it wasn't exactly music to my ears. i couldn't believe it. i felt like just dropping to my knees and crying but i tried to stay strong and not cry. i bursted out with "mom how could ever say something like that, you know damn well if you were to die i'd be a mess." i started to cry and i stormed out of her room and into my bedroom i slammed my door as hard as i could. it was almost as like the anger inside was taking over me. i had no control. i couldn't believe it. my mom and i were always fighting now and then i find out that she could die. and i mean they havent said for sure but its just the idea of losing her. and i know i've said and done some really hurtful things too. on the way to church, most of the ride was silent but then my mom (crying) said "brittany and john (my step dad)i am sorry for treating you guys so bad lately i just figured if i acted like a witch to you guys, you two wouldn't be affected so much" i told her that was a really stupid thought. i told her that no matter what happens between her and i when it comes to fighting that if she died, i would miss her more than anything. after church we went out to lunch at olive garden (my favorite!!) so yeah that day was rough... later that night i went to justin's and we watched a movie then his dad brought home some dinner. trevor (justins's brother) and his friend nugget were coming home from the orioles game. justin kept asking me what was wrong because he could tell something was wrong and i just said nothing, and that i did not really want to talk about it at that time. i went home around 9. and then talked to justin later that night for about an hour and a half. monday. i wrote justin a letter telling him about what was going on in my life and with my mom and he didn't think stuff like that would happen to me i guess. i dont know. and held me tight and was like babe everything is going to be alright and i said and what if they aren't and he told me that i just need to hope for the best and keep her in my prayers. it's great to know that i have justin with me while im going through all of this. i dont know what i would do without him right now. he means so much to me and he supports me in everything i do. its great. but yeah that day was pretty hard for me because i had my mom and her situation on my mind.     oh gosh i really hope that my mom gets better. 5 kill the kisses will

[19 Apr 2004|04:29pm] [ mood | thirsty ] lets see... friday i got home from school and justin had a soccer game... ilde and dave stopped by for a little while and we all talked. then they invited me to go to the movies with them to see walking tall... haha so dave was like "MRS FROST, CAN BRITTANY GO TO THE MOVIES WITH US" haha my mom adores him and eric. lol so ilde, dave, and i went back to dave's house to chill for a little while before we had to leave for the movies. on the way to dave's i saw justin playig with the soccer ball in his soccer uniform. (ohhhh, so hot!) lol the movie was good. it had the ROCK in it! oh yes that's what i am talking about! i got home around 10:30 and then justin and i talked for about an hour and then he had to go to bed early because he had a soccer game the next day. saturday i woke up around 9 a.m. did some chores and started to get ready for justin's soccer at veterans park. my uncle came by and picked up my sister and my brother to go see my grandmother because she is moving back to england with the rest of my real dad's family =( so i probally won't ever get to see her again since she is really sick...ergh it sucks. i didnt go but my uncle said him, my grandmother, and i would go to dinner on tuesday (tomorrow) so ill get to say goodbye tomorrow. ergh i hate saying goodbye. its so hard for me to say goodbye to anyone. justin's soccer game was good but they lost by 1 to mclean. justin's mom, dad, brother, and i watched his game. got some sun out there i tell ya! when we were walking back to the car justin whispered to me the all the guys opn the mclean team were looking at my ass. lol wowzers. we all went to hooters for lunch after because mrs. malace and i had never been there. as soon as we walked in justin was like brittany you gotta work here. and i told him that i couldnt and he was like oh baby yes you could. and then 5 minutes later our waitress came up and asked me how old i was. i told her 15 and she was like oh nevermind i was going to see if you wanted to work here but you have to be 17. i said okay and thought the conversation was over but she kept talking about it and asking me if i would ever consider working there when i was 17. i didnt really know what to say since justin's family was right in front of me and she put me on the spot. but justin's mom and dad got a kick out of it so it's straight. justin drove home and mrs. malace said that she was sitting in the back so i could be with justin. i felt bad that she was sitting in the back in her own car. it was fun. it was so nice that we had the top of her car down. mrs malace invited me over to hang out with justin and they all did yard work but justin got out of it since i was there. muahah lol justin and i watched some tv together and cuddled on the couch a little then we fell asleep on his couch and slept for about an hour. then he walked me home at about 9:30. we thought i was going to get in trouble because i only told my mom i was gonna go to his soccer game which was on 90 mins, but i didn't my mom didn't even mind. so that was cool. sunday i went to church and then did yard work and cleaned out the expedition and washed the outside. it was sooo hot outside. ahhh it's been sooo beautiful lately! i love this weather! 2 kill the kisses will

wow its been forever since i have written... [14 Apr 2004|07:01pm] [ mood | loved ] school just started back up since spring break... blah...school will be out soon for SUMMER! hell yeah thats what im talking about! spring break was a blast. i went with liz and her family down to myrtle beach. wow it was a 8-9 hour drive. wow that is too long for me. i spent the night at liz's last friday. justin and i were going to hang out with david before i went to liz's but david was being an ass. so i didnt see justin ::tear:: we left early saturday morning for our long drive. we got to our hotel/condo thing at around 4 p.m. we all dropped off our stuff and got our bathing suites on right when we got there. it was a pretty nice place. we had two pools and two hot tubs. one for outside and one for inside. they were both heated for the cold nights! yay! the next day alxis (liz's sister) and i layed out a little bit even though it was a little chilly and got a little bit of sun. liz, her dad, and i tossed the football around on the beach that morning too. that night we just chilled. then next day (monday) liz and i slept in again. we all chilled that day went swimming some more in the pool and layed out a little bit. judy took kelsi and olivia to her uncles and they hung out there and stuff. that night junior, kayla, alexis, liz, and i went this amusement park and we mainly rode all the racecar/racing things. there was about 10 different tracks. it was so much fun. this 8 year old boy pissed me off and him and i exchanged some words. he was some damn redneck anyways. lol stupid fucker!! the rest of the week i dont remember really what we did on certain days but we went out to dinner and at a seafood place. hmm it was good! and junior, liz, and i went out one night for krispy cream doughnuts (yumyyyyyyyyyy) my favortite!! then on like thrusday night hunter, cameron, kayla, and alexis were all setting off some fireworks that hunter's dad bought him. it sucked not being able to see justin for a whole week. i got to talk to him every night so that was good. ah i dont know what i would have done if i was not able to talk to him. oh i would have been missin him like crazy. liz and i got in a couple arguements while we were down there. but hey we got over it. lol that's what best friends do. the last three days of my spring break i hung out with justin maily. Saturday doyle came over to justin's while i was there and they played  paintball and stuff...haha justin got shot in his ass... aww =( he had this big red spot..=( doyle let me shot his gun a little bit. it kinda was weird but it was cool. then sunday i woke up and got my easter basket full of goodies!! =) lol then went to church with the family just like every other sunday. then after church john, trevor, olivia, my mom, and i went to don pablos for lunch...yummy. we were going to go see a movie but i didnt i wanted to hang out with justin. that night justin and i watched freddy got fingered. lol that was a funny ass movie. after the movie we hung out and snuggled and stuff the usuall. monday justin and i hung out again....then tuesday we had to go back to school. ah i hated waking up so early especially since justin and i were on the phone until 12:00. ergh i gotta got eat dinner now so ill write a little later. 3 kill the kisses will

[29 Mar 2004|08:01pm] today was the first full day of school that i have had since tuesday. i thought it was going to be tiring but it was a good day, i was the normal up to beat brittany everyone said. =) today in the morning i went to justin's homeroom and spent some time with him and snuggle, ya know the deal...hehe... jeeze it feels so great to have someone who you can love and be loved in return. then today went like every normal school day. 4th period was a blast ashley and i were our crazy selves! lunch was a blast with deon, danielle, ashley, and ashley of course! after school liz and i chilled. justin had soccer. he was suppposed to get out at 3:30 but they didn't get out until 5:30 or something like that. while he was at soccer liz, michelle, jamell, nathan, and james hung out and then liz and i went to michelle's house to see her prom dress... aww it was pretty! then i went to my justin's house and i watch him play soccer for a little bit with his brother trevor and then he cuddled and stuff. it was nice. ahh i love it when he hold me all tight in his arms! ahh lol after i left i went to go pick my little sister up from the babyistters and then i made dinner and she helped me. awww she was so cute lol we makde chicken, mashed potatoes, green beans, biscuits, and brownies for desert. yummy . i dont know lately my mom has been getting on my nerves... ergh she says one thing and then she goes against it. oh well i guess things could be worse than they really are but she just bugs me sometimes. i think she wishes i spend more time with her then my friends and justin. well i dont know. i am going to go and watch some tv. xoxo 4 kill the kisses will

sick....blah [26 Mar 2004|10:23pm] [ mood | sick ] [ music | nothing, my head hurts like a bitch. ] let's see i have been sick ever since tuesday night. i went over to justin's house and then went to bed early. liz's dad (who is basically my daddy too)thought i was getting the flu so he gave me some medicine that would take care of it all and make me sleep the whole night. i took it around 8 and was out by 9. i woke up every hour that night and then finally it was 2 a.m. on wednseday and i couldn't take the pain anymore and plus i was gasping for air. i dont know if i was gasping for air because i was having pains in my back, side, and stomach making it hard for me to breath or if i was just freaking out. i went into my mom's bedroom and she settled me down and then rushed me to the emergency room.when we got there at 2:30 a.m. we had to wait about 2 hours to actually be called back (which is gay x's 3847239572487) then i saw some nurses they tood some blood for some test and gave me an IV. ewwwy i hate IVS. oh well. then they said it is either my apendix or my kidneys and if it was my apendix they would have to remove them but if they were my kidneys it was nothing big and they could just give me medicine and then something for pain. so they just gave me medicine and i did not go to school wednseday or thursday and on friday i went into school around 11:00 a.m. i felt like i was feeling better. as soon as i got into chorus i started to get sharp pains in my side again. so we had a substitute in that class so i slept for a little while and then in 7th period we had another substitute and i just chilled and talked to ciarra, jocelyn, marcus, dareon, vince, ashley, and christina. then i wanted to go out tonight but my mom was like "no britt, you've been in bed sick and in pain for the past days i think it would be best if you didn't go out tonight but if you do you can not be out any later than 10." well there was no point in that because as soon as i got ready and left to go to the movies or chill with people, i would have to be back home. so justin, david, doyle, and drew came by and i chilled with them for a while outside. i got to spend some time with my baby! i haven't seen justin since tuesday and i have barely talked to him because i've been resting so much. ha i've barely seen light the past couple days. pretty sad. oh well. now i am starting to feel sick again. not too good. i have to get better before spring break next weekend because liz and i are going to the beach for a week down in south carolina! whoop whoop! that's what i'm talking about! mucho fun! well i am going to go rest and take some more medicine (yucky) keep me in your prayers! xoxo 8 kill the kisses will

[20 Mar 2004|12:11am] [ mood | energetic ] today we had district festival for chorus at forest park after school. i think we did good. then i was supposed to go to justin's soccer game but it got cancelled. =( so instead of that brandon, lisa, brian, liz, david, justin, and i went to the movies. we saw secret window...the movie was gay but other wise it was fun. It was like a triple date but also including david. he was all by hiself. =( afterwards we all decided that we were hungry so we were going to stop by taco bell but it was closed because it was 11:30 but the drive through was still open so we got our grub on!!!!!!!!! lol we all chilled in the parking lot and david was being dumb. (of course whats new) well now liz and i are chillen so i'll check in later. kisses will

mucho fun! [17 Mar 2004|06:22pm] [ mood | cheerful ] [ music | "late night tip" three six mafia. ] well lets see yesterday was a normal day of school but i had to stay after school for chorus rehearsal. (festival is friday...wahoo!) justin had soccer practice too so we saw eachother after school. then he called me after he got home and we talked for a few hours. my mom, brother, and i went to lowe's after to get some stuff. haha i saw this guy that is one of pascal's friends who thinks im hot and all and i was in a pissed off mood and he was looking at me like i was stupid... i guess because i had a pissed face on. lol oh well. then i got home and justin called and i snuck out of my house later that night and chilled with him...shh! lol ha it was funny because i was supposed to spend the night and all and this was without his mom or brother finding our or my brother and mom, but i had to be home by 5 am and his mom wakes up at like 4:45 or 5 so yeah. plus they have an alarm too and everytime the door or windows would open it goes ::beep beep:: so she would have caught us so i just went home later that night and we talked on the phone for a little while after then we both fell asleep on the phone...oops! i told myself that i would be getting off the phone when i started to get tired but i just fell asleep and ya... lol oh well. today i woke up to my puppy licking my face.i as like ewww! liz came up to my house like she does every morning at 6:25. lol school was fun today. i dont know i guess it was because i was in a good mood the whole day! =) wahoo! after school justin asked me if i wanted to come over, so we went to his house after we got off of the bus (damn i hate riding the bus haha that cheese wagon) justin and i chilled and cuddled until about 4:45 then i went home. katie stopped by right when i got home. then alexis and i walked down to my sister's babysitters and picked her up. now im sitting here listening to music and talking online. well, im going to go and call liz and then maybe ashley. xoxo     Happy Birthday Mhayren! 1 kill the kisses will

underneath (wow i love this song) [14 Mar 2004|01:35pm] [ music | underneath ] Sometimes it's hard when you're so deep inside To see all you can lose in a blink of an eye Dreams could be shattered You could be gone How would I survive Cause you're where I belong My soul-believer Without you, I don't know who I would be Underneath, I can feel you move through me Inside out, you surround me I breathe you like I'm taking my last breath Oh, you're everything I know So how could I let you go Sometimes I listen to a voice that isn't mine I disconnect from everything inside And I have made choices And wasted all the days I could have been with you Where my heart stayed I know you've waited faithfully Blessing our love even stronger Underneath, I can feel you move through me Inside out, you surround me I breathe you like I'm taking my last breath Oh, you're everything I know So how could I let you go And I've been blessed For every kiss For every breath (How could I let you down) And I've been touched, By hands I trust My love is risen Underneath, I can feel you move through me Inside out, you surround me I breathe you like I'm taking my last breath Oh, you're everything I know So how could I let you How could I let you go 1 kill the kisses will

[14 Mar 2004|11:28am] [ mood | sleepy ] [ music | "Now & Forever" KCI & JOJO ] Last night i couldn't sleep. I had so much stuff on my mind. As soon as I could fall asleep, I would wake right back up. I am not in the best mood today. Today is one of those down and sleepy days where I just think about everything. Wow do I hate these days. Church today was same old same old....boring. I don't get how people can be all jumpy and excited at 9:00 am on a Sunday morning... I don't know I just don't understand. I am the one who is trying to keep my ass awake during the service. HaHa. Oh well. I want to go see Justin today, but who knows. Him and I got in a little arguement yesterday night. (which was the reason why I was up all night) I hate it when we argue. Oh well every relationship has it's ups and downs. Hopefully things will get better soon. I love him to death!!!!!!!!!!! Well, I am going to go take a nap. Check in a little later. xoxo kisses will

He's amazing! [13 Mar 2004|10:04am] [ mood | lazy ] Justin is just amazing. I never thought being with him would be so great. When I first met him I couldn't see me with him just because I thought him and I were totally different in ever way possible. I guess people are right when they say opposites attract. When I am with him I feel this sense of endless happiness. He is always there making me laugh and smile. I don't know how he does it. When he asked me out I was not too sure how things would go because a lot of stuff was going on at the time. Now we have been together for almost three months and we're doing great. Soccer season has just started up for him and he has been busy with practices, schrimmages, and games but we still see eachother. We see eachother sometimes out of school on the weekdays, all the time on the weekends, and of course everyday at school. Whenever I am around him I can just be my crazy self and I love it! It's like no one ever could compare to him, he is just fucking amazing! He is forever on my mind. =) I love him to death. Brittany & Justin! <33 From the moment I saw you From the moment I looked in to your eyes There was something about you I knew, I knew That you were once in a lifetime A treasure near impossible to find And I know how lucky I am to have you I can't believe that I have you I can't believe that you're here in my arms I've been waiting a lifetime for you, for you And I've dreamed about you Pictured in my mind who I would see But I never imagined just how wonderful you'd be 3 kill the kisses will

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